This Is Letting Go
by Bree Colbern
Summary: "Once upon a time I could take anything..." A songfic! I love this song, and thought it fit him so well! Read the A/N in the story for more details about it. Sort of a 'redemption' story, I suppose. Slight Romanogers if you squint. Anyway, enjoy!


**Okay, so first of all, this is based off the awesome song; "This Is Letting Go" by Rise Against. Listen to that if you dare to read the story! And secondly, yup, that's right, if you _dare_ to read the story. I wrote this in like, under an hour and have been debating on whether or not I should post it. So, I decided, too, because I really didn't want to post it, yet I really didn't want to not post it. *Shrugs* I don't know...**

 **But please, I absolutely _love_ reviews! So, please let me know what you think!**

 **Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own the story, the song, or anything... Well, except for my-wait! Nope, don't own that either...**

* * *

 _Once upon a time I could take anything, anything_

 _Always stepped in time, regardless of the beat_

* * *

Steve Rogers knew he wasn't invincible; always has. But with the Super-Serum, it gave him a new hope. That maybe he could take anything. And when he fought in World War II, he never stopped to realize just how reckless he was being.

To him he was just following orders and protecting his country. He didn't care what was happening around him; he just did as he was told and fought what he was knew to fight. Never taking the time to stop and think about how joining the War would forever change his life.

* * *

 _I moved my feet, I carried weight_

 _What I could not do I faked_

* * *

He always did what he was told, and then some. He'd do everything he could for his fellow teammates, especially Bucky. So, he took on the role of their Leader. He couldn't believe the amount of pressure that had been put on him; he was responsible for their lives, and he sure as heck wasn't going to lose one.

Not on his watch. But the truth was, he couldn't always protect them from all of the dangers.

So he just tried.

He tried his hardest and did his best, but he didn't know how to be a Leader and how to keep his team safe. So he ended up faking it.

* * *

 _And I'm done seeking treasure_

 _Just to wake up in an early grave_

* * *

He had always hoped that after the War he could settle down and have a family. It had always been a dream for him. That dream kept him fighting everyday. Because he knew he wasn't the only one that had that dream.

So he fought and he made a promise to himself he would try to end the war so he could achieve that dream; but he didn't know what it would end up costing him.

* * *

 _So I stopped right there and said_

 _Go on alone 'cause I won't follow_

 _This isn't giving up, no, this is letting go_

* * *

He was thrown into some mixed-up and crazy world where they had just expected him to fight for a country he wasn't even sure was the same one he was familiar with. He had agreed, of course, because he was a Soldier.

And a good Soldier would fight no matter what the circumstances were. But all the little comments and digs from his new 'teammates', it just ate at him and made him miserable. And he was sick of just taking all the insults. SO he was going to go on his own.

* * *

 _Out with the old dreams I've borrowed_

 _The path I call from here on out will be my own_

 _The path will be my own_

* * *

He had already decided to just give up on all of his old dreams; they were worthless to him now. He was aiming for something different, something that was his _own_. Not some cheap knock off of everybody's desire. He was going to carve his way into the world.

Sure he took on the role of Captain America, the man who'd give up everything for his country, sometimes, but deep down he was Steve Rogers; a person, just like everybody else. And despite the all the doubts, he would make it on his own.

* * *

 _This is the part where the needle skips_

 _And the chorus plays like a sick that drips_

 _A syllable repeating_

 _Like a warning we're not heeding_

* * *

He was sick of this so-called 'perfect' life at the Tower, it was too predictable. He needed something new, something, _exciting_. Yeah, sure, Captain America's life was pretty exciting, but he didn't mean that kind of exciting. No, he craved an adventure. One that didn't include killing rogue aliens in the heart of New York City, and fighting some demi-god.

Because at the Tower, the same thing happened everyday; Bruce would go off into his room and close himself off from everyone in the Tower, Tony would go down into his lab, Clint would be up in the vents spying on everyone, Thor would go out and be with Jane, Natasha would be out in the living room reading a book or out in the gym sparring with Steve, and Steve would just be in the gym all day, feeling like hitting a punching bag and fighting were the only things he knew how to do in this new world.

* * *

 _Until all is said and we noticed it_

 _When the wheels brace and the tires grip_

* * *

He liked his teammates, he really did. He might even go as far as to call them his family at certain times. But he needed to find his way in this new world; by himself. So he prepared to go off on his own. He only hoped he could get them to understand, but he himself wasn't even too sure why he was doing this.

* * *

 _A map we've been misreading_

 _A defeat we're not conceding_

 _Until now there must be some other way out_

* * *

He realized he's been going at trying to figure out this new world all wrong. He was trying to study it from afar, never bothering to get too close, but he knew he'd never learn anything that way; he had to jump right in the crazy universe and make his own story.

But all of the circumstances were trying to bring him down, but he refused to surrender to all of the negative forces. Yeah, he had lost the love of his life and best friend and so many other things, but he knew mourning would get him nowhere. So he was taking his life back, even though he had tried to find another way out.

* * *

 _Go on alone 'cause I won't follow_

 _This isn't giving up, no, this is letting go_

* * *

The team had seemed to understand it as much as they possibly could. They had no idea what it was like for him because they hadn't experienced anything the tiny bit similar to what had happened to him.

* * *

 _Out with the old dreams I've borrowed_

 _The path I call from here on out will be my own_

 _A path to take me home_

 _Hey, hey, hey, hey_

* * *

He was starting new, and he was actually exited about it. He was excited that he could finally have a dream he could achieve. He was excited to actually be able to try and find a home. His own home. He felt he finally had a chance in this world,, not as Captain America, but as Steve Rogers.

* * *

 _The wind died_

 _The whole world ceased to move_

 _Now so quiet_

 _Her beating heart became a boom_

* * *

It wasn't until he was about to leave, when Natasha stopped him.

* * *

 _We locked eyes_

 _For just a moment or two_

 _She asked why_

 _I said, "I don't know why"_

 _I just know,"_

* * *

And for just a moment, they stared at each other, a silent acknowledgement coming between them.

* * *

 _The wind died_

 _The whole world ceased to move_

 _Now so quiet_

 _Her beating heart became a boom_

* * *

And it felt like they were the only two people in the world in that moment, it was so quiet as they looked at each other, too afraid of saying anything, not wanting too ruin the precious time they had together.

Because they both knew it would be the last for a while. The silence was almost deafening to both of them, an unanswered question hanging in the air.

* * *

 _We locked eyes_

 _For just a moment or two_

 _She asked why_

 _I said, "I don't know why"_

 _I just know, I just know_

* * *

She was afraid too ask him, yet she still did.

* * *

 _ **"Why?" Natasha asked as she took a couple of steps closer to him as he sat on his motorcycle. Steve sighed with a shrug and a smile.**_

 _ **"I don't know why, I just know."**_

* * *

 _Go on alone 'cause I won't follow_

 _This isn't giving up, no, this is letting go_

* * *

He offered one last smile, to which she offered a sad, yet understanding, one back. He saluted her before driving off, ready for the new adventure that laid ahead for him.

* * *

 _I'll make the most of all this sorrow_

 _I tried to break these tears' contempt_

 _But now I'm through, I'm letting go of you_

* * *

He wouldn't ever forget Peggy, or Bucky, or the life he could've had, but he knew it was time to get rid of all the sorrow that plagued him. He took one last moment to remember them all and mourn them and his losses, before cleansing himself of them; feeling relieved, like a burden had been lifted from his chest.

* * *

 _This is letting go, this is letting go_

 _This is letting go_

 _Once upon a time I could take anything, anything_

* * *

He smiled as he pulled into some hotel's parking lot in Brooklyn, his hometown. And for once he didn't feel remorse for going into his hometown, instead he felt energized, excited even.

Captain America wasn't invincible, neither was Steve Rogers, but he knew he could make it.

And some might say he was giving up, but he knew better, he was letting go of his old life and making a new, and better one for himself. And for once, he was happy with his decision.

* * *

 ** _Soooo,_ let me know what you think, please!**


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